8.

Eye of Your Apple

A lot of people come here. They have to. If they didn't they might shrivel up like a raisin and decompose into fertilizer. The human kind. Then they could truly aid in the growth of their own fruits and vegetables. But how useful would that be to a pile of dirt? Not very.
I remember before I was a baby, petals and pollen. Malus Domestica: my birth home. My birth form: a rose blossom, you know. How romantic. I was very mature for my age. Not by choice. Those little buzzing creatures, entering the center of my five petaled body, that centre where everything comes to a point of sweet, desirable dust. They can't resist the temptation. Everything changed after my buzzing lover visited. I started to get fat and swollen. My petals slowly died and my center, my lone ovary, became encompassed with warm flesh. I became a red heart of protective obesity, hanging from my stem. Just hanging there, witnessing every sun rise and sun set, showering in the sky's tears when she was sad and basking in her warm sunlight when she was happy.
Now I am here. Watching the people. Every single kind of person. Because every single kind of person needs to eat. Fat people, skinny people, smart people, stupid people, young people, old people, sick people, even anorexic people need to eat a little. I just perch here under a mass of my not-quite-identical twins. Watching. I'm not sure how I got here.
I do remember the confusion of feeling the pressure of five fleshy fingers clench onto me and the horrible sting that came from being forcefully detached from my multi-armed mother. Then it was dark and bumpy for a long, long time. But not lonely. I could hear the moans and yelps of hundreds of my siblings. All of us carefully placed in our own little cardboard cavity. This must have been to ensure we didn't get into any fights. Picture hundreds of brothers and sisters crammed into a jolting, small, dark space for days. Sibling rivalry is bound to kick in and nobody likes bruises.
Someone just made a window for me. Before I had to peak out between the cracks of my compatriots. Light is unstable here. Always flashing so slightly. So cold.
I am grasped and fondled, bagged and carted. Lifted, weighed, bagged again and carted again. If only my stem wasn't a dead reminder of where I came from. (My home. Malus Domestica). I wish it was an arm, like people have. Even with only one I might at least have some say in my destiny. Instead I roll around uncontrollably in another one of those dark, bouncy, uncomfortable spaces. It's kind of fun, rolling around like that. It tickles me all over. But I am a bit worried about where I will end up. I miss the sun and the breeze and the sky's emotions.
I crash into a wall and remain still. Then, click. And there is light again. But it's not the same when its beams have to get through a layer of plastic first. I am lifted and carried to another inside space, debagged, and placed in another cavity. It's colder and harder than the first one. It's bigger, too and there are other fruits and vegetables, vegging with me in this basin. And so we veg together under the cold, artificial light of domesticity.
Then someone says "I'm hungry." Now I am stomach acid.

6.

Wow. I suck at keeping updated. 

SUISS is over. What an upsetting day! It's unbelievable how closely connected people can become after such a short time. It was like saying goodbye to my second family! But it wasn't all sadness. Each student (as well as the directors and student hosts) had to put on some sort of performance for the farewell party. There was live music (some amazing musicians in the group!!), readings, dances, and one musical performance! This is what i slightly participated in. A 10 minute high school musical parody intertwined with a Romeo and Juliet sub-story all taking place in a day in the life of a SUISS student. sounds complicated? It's just post-modern. 

So the morning after the farewell, I saw my lovely friend Nisha off on her train and made my way to the Bus station... back to Glasgow. The room i stayed in for those 2 nights would have eaten me up, i'm sure of it, had i stayed longer than two nights. Dark blue walls, one very small window with curtains so thick I couldn't even open them. No lift, so carrying my insanely heavy luggage (traveling during book festival... must be done carefully) up 4 flights of stairs and then down another flight, through a maze of windowless neon lighted hallways was quite the work out. No offense Glasgow, but next to a 3-week stay in Edinburgh... you suck dirty sweaty smelly nuts. First night spent chatting to Ashley on the telephone while cradling a bottle of red wine. Day 2 went into the centre and met up with Silvia. Visited the Glasgow Museum of Modern Art; The theme being GLBT freedom and expression. Very cool! Then went on a search for haggis since she refused to leave Scotland without trying it! I, on the other hand, would rather lick the sidewalk in Glasgow than try haggis..... maybe not though, really. But the search was a success and i went back to my hole and let my wine cradle me to sleep. 

I am currently free loading on my friend / ex-writing tutor's couch. Beautiful flat!  He works at the Scottish Poetry Library so i get to join in viewing all the readings and events around the city! amazing!! He is also a manager of sorts of this wonderful non-profit cafe/venue/bar called The Forest. All the employees are volunteers and it's a place full of art and art-minded people who want to share their work, whatever form it might take. It's in a gorgeous old two story church, so there's always a couple things happening at once. Probably be volunteering there for a bit before I leave.  Also got to know one of the actors from Porn: The Musical (hilarious play.. definitely the best one i've seen in the fringe) so I've been lucky enough to get a free performer's pass into a lot of shows... It is possible to have fun with no money!! 

As for my writing, I have been bad. I still need to go through and edit a lot of it before I can post it up here, but hopefully that can be done soon. 

All for now

5.

Today's seminar involved an activity using  lines from 5 different famous poems. We were to create our own poem using only those words. Fun!

4.

Write a poem

it's never just black or

white

it can never be anything

less

now it can only be

nothing

but it can never be just that

i want to hate you

the same way

you don't want to love me

3.

Write for 10 minutes with little thought or editing using a given first sentence. I write it in light blue ink on white paper.

Blue. The sky, the ocean or just blue. Just a single shade of blue blankness. Will this have anything to do with blue? Well, it's all blue isn't it? It can't not. a torn page filled with small scribbles and symbols that are the first word. I would rather have red. Deep dark red. 12% usually, warm in my cup, flow down my throat, warm my face and mind. Silver is my aura... how cold is that? much more frigid than blue. Il fait froid, tres froid.

I think too many unfinished thoughts, 

my mind has my hand imprisoned.

I guess it's not really prosey

2.

Friday night lasted until the sun came up. I know why the "jig" comes naturally to me after participating in a Ceilidh. haha there is definitely Scottish in my blood. So fucking fun! I really didn't want it to end. Do you know the helicopter dance?? 

So then myself and about 7 others took a cab to the Grass Market and continued the drinking . dancing combination... Let's see... First to Biddy Mulligan's, then to Sneaky Pete's (a dirty bar that projects black and white porn on a huge screen while playing lame rock-dance music.. i really didn't get it), then next door to Opium ( a no comment kinda place) and then to C (?? i think that's what it was called) which was really fun. The first time i've ever heard Frank Sinatra played at a club..  immediately after Jammin'. Nice! Everyone stopped dancing.. sorry Frankie.  A walk home at 5am and a sleep until noon. Quite the alright night. 

Saturday wandered the graveyard with Tom and Sylvia and got some interestingly creepy photographs. Hopefully soon to be posted. Saw a guy swallow a sword on the Royal Mile and wandered to the Mound. I love being aimless in this city!

Today my legs were extremely sore. Nisha (my lovely neighbour) and I took it easy and went to a nearby Indian restaurant where they put cilantro in EVERYTHING! (barf) The vintage shops here are a lot easier to scrounge through and find something actually nice. It is now 10 pm and I have spent the last hour and a half trying to come up with ideas for a novel (hardest thing ever) and doing work for a prose exercise. writing anything and everything that comes to mind with a given first sentence... The one i chose being "Blue." It's harder than you think! But I wish all school was like this. It's freeing.